Relationship Advice From Our Resident Expert, Denise Shannon
Dear Denise,
So for the past year, “Keith” and I have had a great time dating. I have no complaints and everything seems really good. But lately he has been hinting about getting married! I feel sick everytime I think about it and am starting to realize that I love him, but I’m not IN LOVE with him. Is this crazy? My best friend says that I have cold feet and that it will get better. What do you think?
Kara
Dear Kara,
You certainly understand what you are saying and it sounds like you are being honest with yourself. I really think you need to listen to your intuition about this and figure out why you are feeling like this. Normally, the thought of a marriage proposal would be exciting so the fact that you are having the opposite reaction is something to take seriously.
I highly suggest you see a therapist to determine if your concerns are related to this specific relationship (and perhaps can be worked out) or if there is something else going on with you personally. For instance, if you come from a family with a high divorce rate, you may fear marrying someone because then you may also become divorced some day. Dating may seem like a safe alternative to you if there are no strings attached. However, I am just speculating. Please consider seeing a trained therapist for a couple of sessions. I think you will learn a lot about yourself and, in turn, will make the right decision for this relationship and for yourself.
As for your friend’s advice, it is not fair to Keith to become engaged when you are so doubtful. One year is a good amount of time to fully evaluate a relationship because you have passed the infatuation stage and know each other as real people. You should only move this relationship forward when it is solid because otherwise you will set yourselves up for disappointment.
Good luck to you!
Denise Shannon